Wednesday, November 21, 2012


Two posts in one day? I know. But it's okay, it's a holiday (almost).

Not in an ungrateful way, but since it's not quite Thanksgiving yet, I think I have a little time to squeeze in one last smidgen of cynicism before I go on my merry way to gorge myself to ten pounds heavier tomorrow and then work a double on Friday. The 10 hours of manual labor cancels out the eating, right? Right??

Just kidding. I love Thanksgiving. Food. Bliss.

But anyway, is anyone else sick of the sappy "in case you didn't already know this I love my family, friends, boyfriend, hamster, job, etc." posts?

I kind of like them because they make me feel like a psychic, being able to scroll by and yet still know exactly what each post will say. Some of them I stop to read, but most of the time I pass right on by.

Don't get me wrong, thankfulness is a good thing. It's actually a great thing to be full of thanks. Especially on the day designed for it. Not to mention, did anyone touch on the actual reason we have Thanksgiving in their "I'm thankful for..." posts? Doubt it. If you had, you would have shocked the crap out of me, and thus debunked my alleged psychic abilities, because, judging by the commercial plugging of every holiday in the world ever, the reasons tend to get lost in the "buy this! and this! and this!" shuffle.

I also don't mean to sound like being thankful for your family--job is a bad thing. It's a fantastic thing. People should be more thankful for what they have. But, the thing is, I made an ass out of you and me, and assumed that you were thankful for that already. I also assumed that you knew that we already knew about that.

Since family, friends, boyfriends, pets, and jobs have already been thanked, and I do love all of mine (except my job) dearly, I'm going to instead shed some light on a few of the things that may have been skipped this year.

I'm thankful for the woman who waxed my eyebrows yesterday. For real. I'm sure it was no easy feat, as I have been doing a home job due to cheapness and laziness for the last few months. The last time I went for a real waxing was right before I went to Florida. Which was right before I turned 23. In July. Sorry lady. I'm almost positive you won't be talking about how thankful you were for me at your Thanksgiving table.

I'm thankful that the Twilight "saga" has drawn to a close. Do I really have to elaborate?

I'm thankful for Sally Hansen and her Insta-Dry Anti-Chip Top Coat. I am not the most graceful of ladies. I do my nails, and no matter how delicate I try to be, something always happens, and one or more end up chipped. Well, thanks to this genius invention, my nails are dry and wearing their hard hats, ready to combat my everyday klutziness about 60 seconds after I apply it.

p.s. Does anyone else think of Sally Jesse Rafael when they buy or use or read the Sally Hansen label? Probably not. But I for some reason always picture her face with her red glasses as though she is the Sally behind the cheap-but-decent nail polish brand. Weirdo. Me, not Sally.

I'm thankful that my boss forgot that I "volunteered" to work today for the day before Thanksgiving rush, thus allowing me to make a much-needed hair appointment to erase the ugly reddish thing my hair has faded into since my last coloring before I have to show my face to countless family members tomorrow. Red is not my color.

I'm thankful that people serve alcohol on Thanksgiving. I will need a couple glasses when I get the inevitable call today telling me I didn't get the Starbucks job that I interviewed for, and will therefore be depressed for the rest of the weekend. Especially being that I have to spend 2/3 of it at my current shit job.

I'm thankful that a lot of my blog friends seem to be turning up their nose at the Black Friday trend like I do. Not that there's anything wrong with waking up at the butt crack of dawn to steal a deal from someone else the day after being thankful for them, but mostly, I just don't want my blogger friends to get trampled on their way into Best Buy.

Oh, and I'm thankful for all those things that I and everyone else listed over and over for the last couple of weeks.

Happy Thanksgiving!