how to train your dragon -- oops, I mean dog.

As some may already know, I share a home with a giant pain the in ass. She is a destructive, defiant, golden retriever-shaped, furry little bee-otch.

Maddie, the 14-month-old terror is, well, a problem dog. (Okay, maybe I'm a problem owner, but, let's hold all judgment until the end...)

Casualties in this terrible battle thus far? To name a few, three cherry cabinet doors. One bathroom wall. One wall in our hallway. Two walls in the living room, and three in the dining room. Not to mention, hair everywhere. When you take her out at night -- you know, when it is dark, scary, and you're wishing you packed your pepper spray on your way out the door? That is when she finds it most suitable to take six hours to take a shit because she found the perfect twig to gnaw on. The list goes on...

I know, by now you're all probably wondering -- so why haven't you killed her yet?

And trust me. Most days, I wonder the same thing. And dream of happier times where I can wake up to a world where Maddie don't live here no mo'. Oh, and where riding your bike on the road is punishable by my front bumper. But, I digress.

However, there is this one thing, one minor detail that no one seems to take into account... I really and truly believe that Maddie is... special. Seriously. I think she is actually mentally challenged. A special needs dog. No joke.

Don't feel bad for her, though. This very affliction is saving her life. ;)

The Virgin Maddie

This is a schedule post.

Because right now, I'm actually off dropping off the pooch for her appointment to be spayed. Yup, no more doggie periods in this house! Once was definitely enough that time. (Heh, heh.. like that little nod to the blog name? :p)

So, in a few short hours, this young lady will be relieved of all those annoying menstrual cycles, tampon worries, not being able to hang with the guys just in case, and, oh yeah- the potential for pregnancy. Phew!

Do not need more of these running around (no matter how cute that little face is!). Especially with how difficult the house breaking proved to be. No way, no sir, no how!

Virgin Status? Secured.

A day at the spa!

Not for me though.

For my little diva friend Maddie.

Yup, the pup is going for her first grooming!

Normally I just run her down to the vet for a quick nail trim when she is in need, but lately I have been so busy and rushing around, that I just haven't had time. So I looked up a few local grooming places and settled on one about 5 minutes away. My previous BFF Chloe required pretty much no maintenance aside from getting her nails trimmed. Maddie, on the other hand, as a Golden demands a bit more attention in the beauty department.

I'm definitely hoping this is a positive experience. I'm a little nervous, since I didn't exactly look up references or anything, but it was top listed among the local places, and I drive by it every day and see dogs coming in and out. They have a sign, and a little play area where I see dogs romping around all the time. Seems legit enough, right? I just hope Maddie socializes okay (which, I think I'm more worried about the other dogs than her) and isn't afraid of the grooming process itself either.

Fingers crossed!

This time tomorrow this little furball will be looking beaut!

close

Unfortunately, because I've been so busy lately, poor little miss Maddie hasn't been getting quite as much attention as she deserved. Today though was a bit slower, and so I spent the bulk of the day with her. Give or take all of it, if you count the time spent in the same room.

This might sound weird since I know dogs are "just pets" (whatever), but my dogs are like kids of mine. Chloe, who I had for 10 years, and has only been gone just shy of 7 months, I will admit, I still cry over, occasionally. In fact, today was one of those occasions. I don't know if I'll ever be "over" that dog.

And Maddie now, same goes for her. Again, this might sound weird, but sometimes I wonder if she'll ever know how much I love the sh*t out of her. Hehe.

4. Close-up

I mean, come one. Just look at that face!