Thursday, February 2, 2012

what would YOU have said?

I wanted to describe a little situation I encountered the other day while hanging out with a friend. If I had to choose one word to describe it, I'd say awkward. If I were allotted another word, I'd throw the f-word in before "awkward". But because I'm still working on the not swearing so much (not that I ever swore that much in writing), we'll just leave it at "awkward".

For some super quick back story, my friend and I haven't really hung out a lot lately. I've been busy with work, and I tend to plan my Saturdays in advance, just because I like having things to look forward to while I'm meandering through work every weak. So, unfortunately and admittedly, I haven't had a lot of time for her, because I didn't know when she was home from school and whatnot. So basically, it's been a while since we've gotten together. Even less of a reason for what does come up to come up.

Because of the recent baby-related things happening in my family, we were walking my dog and just talking about kids and how I've had baby fever since I was like, 13 and even had all my future-kids' names picked out at one point. (Weirdo.) So we're walking, and I'm trying to control my canine, and she, out of pretty much nowhere blurts out her desire to be the godmother of my future children.

luckily we encountered what appeared to be a heard of gypsies, cameras and all (first time hiking?) and I pretended to be too focused on controlling the dog to have heard her. Nice girl, eh? I didn't acknowledge it, and even attempted to change the subject, commenting on the oddness of the passing group to sort of move on from what we had been talking about.


We keep walking, and then she clarifies (I'm guessing she was onto the fact that I had heard her the first time) all, "so yeah, when you have kids, I'm going to be the godmother [laugh]. I've decided [laugh.laugh.laugh].."

Out of shock and pure lack of anything to say to that, I just started laughing. Hoping that she would get the hint, and maybe use the presented opportunity to rescind what she had just said. Or at least cover it up with a "just kidding." But no. I'm thinking she was pretty darn serious, because she asked, "what?" when I started laughing. To cover it up, I just blurted out, "well you say that like I'll be having kids before you." (Huh? How that was a cover for my in-disbelief-laughter, I haven't a clue..)

She responds with, "well, you're the only one currently in a relationship."
So obviously I'll be getting married and having children tomorrow.

I think I might have even responded with that. But anyway, it was so awkward, and leaves me kind of annoyed.

I say this not to be mean, but because it's just how I feel... I don't think we are as good of friends as she thinks we are. We were best friends in high school, still friends now, and yes, our hangouts can be fun. But do I have her in the running to be godmother to one or more of my children? No :(.

But in any event, things like this irk me. Similar to weddings, when people feel entitled to be a part of your wedding party. I don't think anyone should feel obligated in any way when it comes to your wedding. It's your day, and should be about no one but the couple. If you don't want someone in your wedding party, or have others in mind for the positions, that is who you should choose. Not people you could use, but feel obligated to include because they told you to.

Second, who asks that? Why would you just assume you are going to be used as such? And also, now, if and when I do have children, is she going to get all pissed off when I don't use her as godmother? That's honestly not something I should have to be concerned about when having children, or choosing who I want to assign as godparents. Correct?

I don't know. I was just a little taken aback by that statement to begin with, and moreso when she repeated it when I didn't immediately say "oh yes, of course it will be you!"

If she is looking for some kind of best friendship validation, then I sympathize, but that definitely isn't the way. Because, even if we were as close as we used to be, that's still a big thing to sort of "claim", isn't it? And second, as much as it sucks, I can't help how I feel, and I just can't "validate" the best-friendship. Because I don't see her as much as a best friend as I used to. If I had to pick out a handful of girls to stand up at the altar with me right now, I could, and I can't promise one of them would be her. While I don't think we aren't friends, there are definitely people I turn to before her when I need to talk. There are people who mean more to me because I happen to be closer with them. I'm not trying to be a jerk here... I just don't know how else to react to someone feeling entitled to my future kids in that way. And sort of trying to confirm her presence in my life down the road...

Am I being a bitch? How would you have reacted if one of your friends had said something like this? Argh. Drama. ;)

Sigh. Off to work. Thanks for lasting this long, if you made it through this obnoxiously long post. And, because I'm still concernicus about her feelings a bit, I might take this down in about a week. Gulp.

Anyway, off I go back to the salt mines. Happy Thursday! Private Practice comes back tonight- woot!