Friday, May 4, 2012

Instagram Friday #2 & blogging thoughts

Can you believe it? I have posted semi consistently for the last week! Way to go Instagram! Giving me at least something to post about!

On Saturday, the baby (Maddie) & I went to my grandma's to visit my dad. My grandma has 1.5 acres of property, so Maddie was totally loving running around and burning off some energy. Love love love throwing sticks and toys for her to get and bring back. Chloe would always get the thrown items, but never felt like coming back with them. :p

Later that afternoon after I got home, Anthony was swell enough to come over and help me clean out my car. It still kills me that people who enjoy cleaning cars actually exist. Seriously. I spray windex on a paper towel, wipe one surface, and I'm already weighing the pros and cons of ending my life rather than continuing to clean my car. Gotta give those car lovers some credit, eh? Thanks Anthony! For doing the work I'm too lazy to do! :) :p

When we got bored of cleaning my car, we drove it around instead. We went to this local-ish waterfall where people often fall and get hurt (cheerful!), so with every bit of caution we went and sat out kinda-sorta by the water. It was super fun & pretty minus all the pesky mosquitoes that unfortunately come with the nice weather.

My Sunday off. Spent with my furry buddy. Man does she dig chasing tennis balls. She is in heat. Fun times, man. Fun. Times. (I'm getting her fixed this summer, because, ew gross. My kitchen smells like period.) I didn't know she was in heat until after she was romping around free in my yard. Good thing she sticks around... knock on wood. Don't need any little Maddie's. Just yet. Or ever. :p

More of my little bubs. She is too cute. She does this whenever I come home. I think she might have a tad bit of separation anxiety. She tends to actually throw up whenever she sees me gathering my stuff to run out the door to work. And it's usually a different time every day.. so I'm wondering if she just gets worked up when she thinks she's going to be alone. Poor bubba. But, I can't say I don't love this part of the anxiety. She can hang out at my feet any time she wants to. :)

So I realize this wasn't so much a here's my week as it was a tour of my weekend. But, eh, aside from vain pictures of myself, I guess I didn't do too much Instagramming this week. Boring girl you're following!

Hopefully next week will be a little more interesting. 

Does anyone else actually experience legitimate frustration when halfway through a post they realize it is boring as hell and something probably no one will read? That's how I feel with this post. And the last one. And probably the one before that.

I'm actually getting to the point where my life consists of work, hanging out with Anthony, and eating and sleeping. I'm registering for school and all that, but the fun classes won't start until the fall anyway. I feel like in having people follow this blog, I'm leading people on. In having a blog, I am misleading people and making them think I actually have something worth reading.

So, in case you can't keep up with my delusional, one too many cups of coffee, late night blathering, what I'm saying is I'm currently considering giving up blogging. I don't know why it took so long or, on the opposite hand, why I clung to the idea of blogging for so long. My posts are almost pointless. I say it's for me, but think about it... 10 years from now am I really going to be exploring the internet looking for what I was Instagramming 10 years earlier? How bored I was a decade before? What chair I was sitting in while I spent the bulk of my 22nd year either at the CB working or sitting around hanging out & having fun, but not actually accomplishing anything.

I've "diagnosed" my problem (as I'm sure I've got a psychology degree lying around somewhere :p) as at least relating to the fact that I took this year off from school. It was the first year since Kindergarten that I wasn't in school. I have honestly never felt so worthless in my life. I feel like a slacker who is accomplishing nothing. I get all defensive when yuppies come in to the CB and treat waitstaff like they are worthless drop-outs who won't amount to anything... when really, taking a year off from school for no reason other than I allegedly wanted to "save money"... why shouldn't they think that? I essentially (or at least feel like I) wasted an entire year. I could have had a year of prerequisites under my belt by this time.

Basically, I think my slight issue with self-loathing has just been amplified about 10x by my not being in school.

Not at all to say that those who pursue alternative routes in the post-high school years are slackers or worthless by any means. It's just that the profession I have been dying to pursue since I was a little kid (medicine, more specifically nursing) requires quite a bit of higher education, and the fact that I needlessly put it off even further just makes me literally want to kick myself. 

Ew. Enough of this pity party. I'm slowly but surely weaving my way back into classes (starting with a summer class hopefully at the end of this month), and I'm really hoping that in doing that, and getting back on track with actually doing something beyond merely existing, I will both have more motivation to post, and not be quite so irritated with myself all the time.... hopefully.

I don't know, I'm exhausted and off to bed, but, thanks for whoever stuck with this crazy post until the end. I guess right now the future of the blog is up in the air. Maybe I'll give it til the end of the summer. We'll see. Bleh.

Happy Friday everybody! Have a great weekend!