Sunday, September 16, 2012

he doesn't need another mother.

My work is chock full of drama.

I don't say we need a reality show just because I want to meet the Kardashians, you know.

As of late, though, the drama has taken on a new theme: Cougar Town.

No, not the show. I wish it was just the show.

For starters, we have our resident cougar who has been on the prowl most likely since the term was originally coined, if that says anything about her age in cougar years. RC not only thinks she can have any male that innocently wanders into this restaurant, she acts like it too. If I had a nickel for every time she told me, "he totally wanted me," in that "sultry" voice that makes me want to barf up my chilly cheese fries, I would be driving a Lexus RX 450h right now.

Then we have junior cougar. Junior, in the sense that she isn't really cougar in age, but more so in behavior. She is on the elevated end of her twenties, he hasn't quite entered them yet. (But don't worry, he is legal.) JC isn't a seasoned cougar. In fact, I'm pretty sure her current mate is the first that doesn't fall within her age bracket.

Old Cougar is -- hopefully -- new to the cougar game as well. She is up there in age, and her prey isn't quite down there, but he is not as up there as she is. OC and prey tried it, it didn't seem to work out for too long, and now I think she mostly just shows up hoping he is there hoping she is there. OC is friendly. Mostly just annoying.

New Cougar... New Cougar is the one that I have my eye on. NC is in her thirties. NC is married. NC was getting a divorce. They were supposedly working it out, and now they are back on the rocks. NC is apparently lonely -- she makes sure to share this with all of her customers at the bar. And NC is currently after my brother.

I don't think so. AKA Oh hell no. AKA bitch, back up.

I trust my brother's judgment. I do. Or, at least I want to. But, as my boss has put it, "sometimes us guys think with the wrong head." Which is what worries me the most. Not to mention the fact that some haggard, bitchy thirty-something has sunk her cougar talons into my younger brother.

There isn't a huge chunk of years between my brother and I. A matter of months, really. He is 14 months younger than me. But so what? He's my brother, and so I'm a wee bit protective and defensive. I live my life worrying about others. I worry that she is manipulating him. Or using him as a rebound. Or worse, that her ex whatever will find out and take it out on my brother. There is a whole encyclopedia-sized volume of worry that has been floating around inside my head since I found out this nauseating little detail on Thursday night.

One of the larger concerns though, is my own guilt. That if anything does happen, it will be my fault. I got him the job. I didn't want to get him the job. In fact, I dragged my feet regarding this situation for God only knows how many months. Maybe even a year. Our work is a cesspool where bright futures go to fizzle out and die. My work is like smoking a cigarette for the first time. You choke on it. It's horribly unpleasant. And yet, you keep coming back for more. It drags people down, and only those with true desire to advance in life use the place as a stepping stone. A life lesson. A cautionary tale that pays, and then move on. Do I think I am some awesome, strong "survival of the fittest" candidate? No way. I just really want a Lexus. ;)

My brother, on the other hand is much more free spirited. He doesn't know what he wants to do in life. He is currently in the "having fun" stage at age 21, almost 22. And I'm really worried that this woman is going to contribute to the heavy-weighted collection of anchors already holding him back.

And I get it. He already has a mother. A really great one who is just as worried -- if not more so -- as I am about this. It was a calculated decision even telling her about it, because I try to avoid raising her blood pressure as much as possible. I understand that he doesn't need another one in me telling him what to do or how to live. Or that his current choice of significant other is gunning for a spot on Intervention with all the alcohol she manages to consume on a nightly basis.

But it's really hard. I know deep down he isn't an idiot, and knows to be smart about it. But I keep going back to what my boss said about guys and their tendency to "think with the wrong head."

Am I wrong in trying to put a stop to this? I just have a really bad feeling that I'm hoping is just my strong distaste for NC. But I'm really scared that it's more than that. (I promise this distaste has been there from day one of knowing her, it didn't just appear out of thin air on Thursday night.)

I keep reminding myself. He already has a mother.

Which I guess is kind of an ironic argument, given the circumstances, eh?

Rawr.

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