I've been nervous lately.
For starters, I am back to school. Pre-nursing, to be specific.
I
am taking my first biology class since high school, and to say I'm a
little rusty would be an understatement. The professor might as well be
speaking German. Or Chinese. Or some other language I don't understand.
You see, it's much more geared towards chemistry than I thought
bio to be. Which is odd, considering I will be taking a chemistry class
next semester too.
Don't get me wrong. I want to be a nurse really badly. But these first couple of biology classes definitely have me wondering if I have the brains to get through the pre-nursing, let alone the actual nursing classes.
In
other news, I recently got in touch with a local photographer who is
offering a fall internship with him at his studio. Can you say 'yes
please!'?
Photography is my first love. It has been a passion
of mine since I was a kid. From the instant gratification of polaroids,
to my mom's film camera, to my very first digital camera when I turned
16. As much as I do love the craft, I can't help but wonder if I have any skill in the field. I have no actual
experience, professional or educational. I'm worried that this
photographer guy will tell me I don't have what he is looking for. That I
don't have what it takes.
Do I think I have nothing? Without sounding like I have a big head, no. I think there may be something there. But for all I know, I am blinded by the love I have for the hobby. Maybe my judgment is clouded by the excitement and the 'warm & fuzzy' feeling I get from imagining myself producing the one for the Christmas card. The one for the mantel. The one to share with grandma. Or even just the one to keep in a frame on the nightstand or in the sleeve of a wallet. Or from the opportunity to capture the moments in someone's life. Someone's engagement. Or wedding. Or someone's Thursday, or weekend.
I've said before, the only career I would 'ditch' nursing for would be photography.
And
so I think this chance... this potential opportunity has me feeling
pretty darn nervous. Nervous that I'll have to face the reality that
maybe photography should remain a hobby, and not my way of putting bread
on the table. Up until this time, I've been able to hide behind the
unknown. I've never tried, and so I couldn't fail. I never asked anyone,
so they couldn't tell me no. I've never shown a photographer my 'work',
so he/she was never able to shoot me down.
You'd think this
was a serious job offer or something. And not just a measly internship--
which, tends to be code for 'free labor'... ha. I will say though, paid
or not, if I get this, I will be beyond happy to be able to get some real
experience and happy to have the opportunity to shadow someone who
actually knows what he is doing. Believe me -- the experience is worth so much more than any money he could offer.
Looking for a bit of luck, and something to calm my nerves a bit before Tuesday, the date of my upcoming interview. Gulp. Cross your fingers for me?
Thanks ;)
You are a beautiful writer Sam. Very poignant - I can feel exactly what you're feeling through your words.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is what you had in mind/helpful at all as far as nerve-calming, but maybe when you're putting together your portfolio I can get on YM (I can redownload it) and tell you what pictures look cool/you should maybe put in there? Don't get me wrong, I don't know shit about photography, the only thing I could help with is "this one is pretty", but if you wanted help/someone to chat to/outside perspective I would be honored to help you. You are a gifted photographer IMO!
I am already impressed! I am NOT a science person. good luck!
ReplyDeleteNever stop following your dreams. And never under estimate your knowledge in school. Keep diligent with your studies and stay positive. You'll make an amazing nurse one day!
ReplyDeleteGOOD LUCK to you! Everything happens for a reason and I can't wait to see how this turns out for you! Good luck at the interview and always pursue your dreams! <3
ReplyDeleteI love your pictures you post on here so I think you have a great shot at this internship! What a cool opportunity.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the pre-nursing classes are so much harder than the actual nursing classes. It's just getting past those initial horrible bio and chem courses :)
I adore you. You WILL get through these classes, and I am so happy you will do so while pursuing another passion! That's incredible!
ReplyDelete